Thursday, August 7, 2014

Martes, primero de Octubre de 2013


Ya no te pienso como antes
ya no hay deseo, ni ternura.
Ya no te sueño como antes, 
en realidad, ya no te sueño.
Pero sigues aquí
aún te veo, y a veces,
cuando al viento le da por hacer travesuras, tu aroma
llega hasta mí y me recuerda que eres parte de la vida. 
Y no consigo borrarte del todo
Tampoco consigo una razón
para tenerte aquí.
Y entre el coraje, el llanto, la espera y
la confusión
sigo buscando una forma
de hacerte desaparecer.


Monday, May 12, 2014

Pretty Doll

Pretty doll, pretty doll
What you doing over there?

Silly boy, silly boy
Why, I'm dancing in the rain.

Pretty doll, dance with me,
Then we'll jump from cloud to cloud.

Silly boy, let me be
I just want to dance around.

Then, goodbye, pretty doll
I don't want to watch you dance.

I don't care, silly boy
I just want you to feel pain.

Silly doll, what you mean?
I don't care for you at all.

Pretty boy, can't you see?
Just keep drinking 'till you fall.


Thursday, April 3, 2014

The Roommate

            I had just arrived in my dorm on a rainy August morning, ready a new beginning, otherwise known as a new semester.  I was so happy to be away from home, fleeing from my responsibilities, from my overwhelming family.  I was going to miss my cat the most, I knew.  She was orange and white, and sort of snobbish-looking.  She was the laziest thing I had ever set my eyes on.  I would miss her, but it eased my mind to know that I would see her every other weekend.
            As I walked by the hallway towards my assigned room, a malodor seemed to follow me, as if derailing my thoughts into it.  I could think only of it and how odd it was that this odor remained following me, as I trotted forward towards my new destiny.  It stunk of death and sweat.  I got closer and closer, and suddenly I could hear screams of terror coming from inside my new room!  I swung the door open furiously and to my surprise, instead of a torture chamber, I found a stately-pleasure dome!  I could only see body parts and limbs entangled within each other in a reverie of gusto!  Screaming while throwing their heads back with pleasure, only the man—presumably my new roommate—seemed at all to notice my presence.  He glared up at me as he devoured one of the women’s necks and stuck himself into her with the greatest dominion I had ever seen.  I was shocked and immediately hurried out of the room, slamming the door as I gripped my resounding chest.  What had I just witnessed? 
            I returned a little after nine o’clock to my dorm, fearful that I would again find my roommate grasped within a myriad of women and that so it would be for the rest of the semester.  But as I twisted the doorknob and made my way in, I found the room completely empty.  The suitcases I had left behind in my hurry had been neatly placed on the very top of my cot.  The room had been organized and one could barely tell it was the same room I had beheld in a frenzy of skin and squeals.  My eyes wandered around towards my roommate’s half of the room and what I saw was an organized yet peculiar set of belongings.  I beheld glass cases, in which were preserved butterflies, about twenty, all of different colors—splendid hues that ranged from the deepest blue to the brightest yellow.  Maybe he’s into Biology, I thought, as I scrutinized the rest of his belongings. 
            As I loomed over his leather-bound book collection, the doorknob shook, and my roommate swung the door ajar, revealing his large, imposing stature.  He looked over to where I was standing, realizing that I had been snooping his stuff.  Yet he simply shrugged his shoulders and walked over to his bed, saying not a word. 
            That first night, I had an uneasy feeling in my sleep—I swayed back and forth between the sheets, finding no comfort, no consolation.  I did not know anything about my roommate, the person residing so near me—the thought drove me mad with fear.  Who was he?
  The next few weeks following the beginning of term were similar—we spoke not and I would come into the room in the most inopportune moments.  Once I walked in and he was staring at a trembling dog, just glaring at him.   Confused, I walked out and, upon returning, the dog was gone.  I had the intrepidness of inquiring about it as he lay studying in his desk.  He simply responded with a slouch of his shoulders as he sought out a pen and paper.  He wrote vigorously for about an hour until, presumably getting bored, he rose with a start, lay down on the bed and shut his eyes.  When I woke up that morning, he was in the exact same position I had last seen him—he had not stirred, not even an inch.  I tried not to think of him, but even his ghastly stench followed me.  It was all over me when I woke, as if he had been near me in my sleep.
            One dreadful evening, while I lay in a most harrowing reverie, I felt something trickle down my unwary face.  I sensed the warmth of a being suspended over me, scrutinizing me with a touch.  As I felt the move of a finger reach over my throat, the hairs in the back of my neck stood on end and I wheezed from fear.  The fingers twitched, wrapping themselves over my neck, gripping and squeezing malignantly my every fiber.  I tried to breathe but my breath was lost in a frenzy of exasperation, turning into an animalistic panting that overpowered the room with echoes of dread and horror.  My eyes shot open—there was no one, nothing, staring back at me.  I, in fact, was alone in that cursed room!  My heart was pounding as I examined my surroundings.  In the very darkest corner, next to the unlit floor lamp, it gawked at me.  The whites of its eyes fixed upon my quivering body.  Oh God, you would not believe, my friend, the dread I felt interred within my very bones!   
            The fiend crawled towards me in all four limbs as I staggered back into my bed, hiding under the covers like a child masking itself from el Cuco.  For a moment, as I muttered obscenities in the general direction of the situation, I felt the room grow quite, still.  I’m dreaming, thought I.  Slowly, I lowered the covers inch by inch.  I screeched in terror as my vision revealed the brute over me, salivating, hankering for my blood.  
            He leaped on top of me, driving its fangs into my skin, splintering it from my horrified figure.  I felt the sting as my skin was torn off from me.  I felt him chewing me, savoring me like a delectable dish hardly ever served; I was his delicacy.  My heart raced as I struggled under his grip, under the biting, mastication, relishing of my meat.  But whatever my exertion of force, his was double!  Whenever I writhed under his dominion, he need only smash his fist against my head and I was still.  He devoured me. 
            It lifted itself from my ruined façade that gushed and spewed black torrents of blood; the floors, the mattress—everything was covered in my blood. The fiend admired its achievement—a wreckage of bone, muscle and torn skin.  One of my eyeballs hung low beside my cheek, held on only by a small strand of muscle and tissue. He passed his rouged tongue by the corner of his mouth in order to lick off a string of carnage hanging from it, savoring the last bit of the feast.
            Qui suis-je? A motionless, still, lifeless, cadaver.  He carried me off into the night, burying my few remains in the neighboring wasteland of Río Piedras.  No one ever found out what became of me, my friend.  Except you. 
                      

Tuesday, February 25, 2014

A Journey

When you believe me static, do not tremble to admit that you are, in your entirety, absolutely and resolutely in the wrong.  I, in fact, march about with the beat of your tender heart, lifting one foot after the other, traversing your sweet, gentle skin to and fro until I, fatigued with greater pleasure, wreak havoc within the tumult of your hair.  I sink into you, past the point of return, and I weep with pleasure at having known you this profoundly. 
My journey does not end here but goes on, into the unknown world of your internal crevasse.  The passage leads downwards, where I fumble through your flesh.  I search for a meaning, for a kind of magnetism not found in this reality, found within the human soul, in fact. I have travelled long and hard through the wilderness of bitter hearts to find what you so desperately conceal within your monstrous hide. It lurks, in fact, in the deep realms of your humanity.

Whence I do find it, I crawl out with my prize in hand, and wander at last towards you.  I regard you in the highest degree, for I have seen what dark and light capacitates your being.  I have discovered that which you dream, that which you fear, and that which you will become.  What I see is beauty, an exquisiteness most divine that lurks not in the façade of an individual but in their midst. I have travelled upon you, through miles of horror and heaven combined and I have found only you.  I am an adventurer, you see, and, upon my last, I came to a region not unlike others, except for one peculiarity.  I read upon you the words that spoke most truly, “Not all who wander are lost.”  I am no longer lost.

Wednesday, December 4, 2013

Mirarte

Mirarte y mirarme 
y mirarnos así
porque no hay de otra, amor
porque te quiero.

Mirarte es mirarme 
pues en tus ojos nací
y también morí
en un solo suspiro.

Mirarte y mirarme 
porque ya es lo mismo
y si te miro, me miro
y si me miro, te veo.

Mirarte es mirarme 
porque me destruyes
me recompones
me matas y me haces vivir.


Thursday, November 28, 2013

Respira

Un minuto más
un minuto menos
y mil gotas de sudor con el frío que recorre mi pecho
¡Párate!
¡Camina!
¡Respira!
Pero nada cambia…

De pronto un vacío oscuro recubre mi espacio
y solo quedan el descontrol
y el miedo
¡Cierra los ojos!
¡Ábrelos!
¡Respira!
Pero nada cambia…

Y despierto con el sonido de una alarma
mas no despierto, pues no he dormido,
sigo en medio del sueño o la pesadilla
¡Respira!
¡Respira!
¡Respira!
Y nada cambia…



Tuesday, November 5, 2013

On Guaynabo, The Illuminated City of Puerto Rico


            “How did your maid treat you?” asked the nimble professor.  He was aged, crooked from the head to his sacral curve.  He waded down but he smiled gingerly at his students, encircling him.  “Alba, how did your maid treat you?” he asked cunningly, seeing if he could get his desired answer. 
            “I never had a maid,” she responded, looking sideways to confirm that no other person acted otherwise.  She was shy, and for a moment thought wealthy students surrounded her and she feared she was the only exception.  But a firmer looking classmate agreed, stating that no one had maids these days, at least not like J.D. Salinger proposed in his Nine Stories
            In unison, bursts of anger and repulsion resounded from the class.  Many shouted but Roberto was the only one to speak clearly enough for me to hear.  He said, “We’re not Guaynabitos!  You know, rich kids!”  As he splattered his comment, my mind went blank with repulsion.  Well, unfortunately I am your biased narrator.  Now, Roberto will tell you that the streets from Guaynabo are crowded with wealthy, high-class executives whose only funk in life is that the new Mercedes did not come in blue.  But, I will tell you contrary.
            I never had a maid, though I wanted to say that I did in front of the class.  In fact, after the class finished the unified commotion, I rather hoped Prof. Fiet would ask me the same question.  That way, I could have given them rather a nice shock.  But then I remembered that earlier in the period, the professor had asked me directly in front of the class if there had been any homework.  Unfortunately, I was the only one who had done it and therefore in a moment’s notice I became the teacher’s pet while everyone glared at him as he emphasized everyone’s mistake by inquiring personally if they had prepared the work.  So, I think it was best that, on top of being teacher’s pet, I was not rich girl.
            Guaynabo is insulted constantly.  The phrase Guaynabito is used constantly all over the Island.  Lately, the prejudiced word has evolved into Guaynabicha, a hybrid from the words Guaynabo and bitch.  People joke that the municipal money in Guaynabo is spent mostly buying palm trees and painting sidewalks.  But Guayanbo is much more than that.  It is the city that bred me, cultured me, and educated me.  I grew up in Garden Hills, where the sidewalks are for joggers and the circular streets are plenty. 
We are people with big personalities…we are persistent and we often have the most success.  But, contrary to common belief, Guaynabo’s citizens earn their happiness—we work hard and we struggle, just like everyone else.  We just attract exceptionally good people…mothers who are always in PTA meetings, fathers who lift away the obstacles for his family, women who can teach Chanel a thing or two…and even men who resemble Roman gods.  Our students were not enrolled in the best schools of the Island; they made them.  Our houses are big…the bigger to fit our thriving personalities!  We are a collection of happy people, from Torrimar to Paseos.  Why does the rest of Puerto Rico loathe us?  Have they forgotten the historical importance of Caparra?  They do not understand; Guaynabo is a hybrid of Latino pride and North American precision.  Then…if we are so good, what is the point of residing in the hatred?  Why do they wallow in prejudice?  We are Puerto Ricans!  Or at least we used to be.  Call me a Guaynabicha one more time…I dare you.

Guaynabo City Mustang

Tuesday, May 14, 2013

Preoccupations


            As a writer, I have a great preoccupation to address to you, my many friends, my readers.  I see, day after day, increasing (and preoccupying) intolerance for books and knowledge not only in part of our youth but also in our adults, middle-agers and, sometimes, even in myself as well.  We complain then about the violence that our children increasingly take part of in video games, cinemas, and advertisements, blasted to them from every corner.  However, have we ever stopped blaming the media and thought about who was the real culprit for such disdainful crimes? Who were the ones who influenced our generations into believing that intellectuals, readers and researchers were outdated?  Generation, simply take a look in the mirror; one out of two say you are going to see your influencer reflecting your wrong-doing back at you.

            We indulge ourselves every day in a non-intellectual spree through life, reading and researching less as we go along.  Worst of all, we seem to be happy in our overly lazy lives, indulging ourselves with distractions that separate us from the truth: we are a backwards civilization.  We are not evolving; we are devolving, and part of the cause is our lack of intellectuality. This includes our lack of reading, questioning ourselves, questioning the world, investigating, being curious, and striving for the truth no matter what the cause.  Why then are we so shocked when it comes to digress in socially acceptable philosophy?

            When it comes to philosophizing about anything and everything, our community nowadays views his or her opinion as key to understanding and helping humanity.  Well, how can you make such exaggerated opinions known to the public when it is an uneducated opinion?  It would be just as bad to see a “doctor” without a medical degree and find his word to be the highest authority on the subject.  That is complete and utter “bullshit”.  Pardon that colorful expression.  

Philosophy Books

Tuesday, May 7, 2013

Quiero...

Estoy aquí sin querer estarlo. Aquí pensando en ti y en lo mucho que quiero verte. Quiero ver tu silueta irse transformando en persona. Quiero verte. Quiero que mis labios te digan "Sálvame", que mis ojos digan "Por favor" y que asientas tu cabeza con una sonrisa pícara en tus labios. Quiero verte. Quiero ver tu cuerpo recostado en el marco de la puerta, sobresaliendo de la muchedumbre. Quiero verte. 

Quiero...que existas.


Monday, April 22, 2013

Gris

Me recibes con una carcajada, un abrazo y un cigarrillo sin encender en mano. La camisa gris de manga larga que te cubre el torso se levanta un poco en el encuentro efusivo de un abrazo y deja al descubierto un espacio minúsculo de piel. Al soltarme, una arruga queda plasmada en la tela gris cerca de tu hombro izquierdo. Una arruga que traza a la perfección una sonrisa. 

Mi sonrisa.