Anxiety, anxiety....

   She’s walking. She doesn’t know where she’s going but she’s walking, and fast. Her heart is racing; she feels the blood running up her feet through her chest and feels as she is going to explode.  Anxiety is starting to rise as she realizes she’s about to have another panic attack, but what’s worse; she’s panicking over the fact that she has no idea what to do about it. It’s been like that lately; she keeps losing control of herself and has no idea what to do anymore. She keeps walking, she starts to sweat and everything feels a little better. Suddenly and out of nowhere she starts remembering everything that has gone wrong, all the stress she’s dealing with, all the things she wishes she could change. Panic starts to rise again and this time she can feel it even more.

   She doesn’t belong here, that’s what keeps going through her mind. She doesn’t know a lot of things, but she knows she doesn’t belong to where she is. As she looks everyone around her, she envies them for knowing where they’re going. This didn’t used to be like this. Everything was easier in some way, everything was better. There was a time when she wasn’t this scared, when she felt alive, but now she feels like a corpse walking around. She even wondered if people could actually see her. More than lost, she felt dead. Nothing made sense, nothing felt right, everything was not ok.

    She comes back for a minute, she doesn’t know where she is, she’s all alone and this time, she can’t breathe. Everything is turning black, her chest aches, but it’s an ache that she can’t describe, something she can’t understand but that she had felt before. In fact, she’s used to it, but it still hurts like hell.